Ironing & chores

Hello Diary,

It's a weekend once again. A Saturday of possibilities but a bit of it had passed, as it's 1.13pm now that I've started writing. 

I am glad to be writing again, there is a freedom in it as you mull over the happenings in your life, and your thoughts and feelings and sometimes awkward opinions, and just put it down in words! Typing it one by one. I would love to write it by pen and have a lovely faded leather diary like how they do in the past, but the digital age had made it much faster and easier to type it down. At least I don't get pressure marks on my fingers. But there's always the danger of having your 'message' to yourself travel to public eyes and get into trouble. I hope no one really reads this at all! Seriously.

Anyway, I spent the morning ironing his (my husband's) and my clothes. Ironing things properly isn't easy, and I counted taking 15 mins just on one piece of work shirt! With 5 shirts a week, that would amount to.....at least an hour a week! Plus pants and my own clothes, I really hope it takes less than 1.5hrs a week to do these. Being independent ain't easy! Ideally, I would like to iron my clothes right before or the day before I wear them.

On ironing, it made me learn something. I was thinking about career choices and development recently and had considered the possibility of doing something related to art, craft & design. That'll be so cool if at this age, people just go back to the old ways of quality & honest craftsmanship, fine art, and a warm approach to design. Not that the current age is cold, but the modernity and futuristic, forward looking designs are nice & appreciated, but they start to look the same after a while. I suppose every art/design movement at every age (by age I mean 'generation' of this field) has a distinctiveness that unites them into a movement. Like impressionism and how the spurn offs of impressionist art follows a basic principle of blurry subjects on paper that harmonizes in colors & composition. A look and you can tell the general 'movement' it belongs to, or the inspiration behind the art.

So there I was thinking of possibly attending an art or design school. Or how else am I going to be able to do something in say, interior design or product design? 

Along the same thread, I did think of attaining skills & experiences in coaching, therapy & counseling related fields. After all, these careers had always intrigued me and are proven by other people tested to be my 'type' to be fulfilling career. And it would also require some re-education and directional shift in my career.

What should I do? Mmmmmmmm.

:( Don't know yet. But for now, I should start to learn driving and find an enjoyable exercise.

xoxo, 
principessa

Vision

I think having a vision is really important. Looking back, that was how I started in this career path. I envisioned it and hoped for it, and perhaps subconsciously that is how i steered my choices towards it? And in all things, I thank God.

The Q-think chapter on "Infinite Possibility" is captivating, the thought so alluring and yet it has so much truth in it. Imagine that every moment in your life & that decision you make at each point, will lead you to a different path! If I gave up after a long email that I typed was not sent out, I might never have developed a closer relationship with someone. If you close your mind off and refused to try anything new, you might never discover that perhaps you can be very good at something.

If each thought, each decision leads us to life-changing pathways, we should, as the book says, be aware about it and live our lives with the 'right' intent. 

In 2 weeks time, I'll be a bride. Can you imagine that? 2 years of waiting, 2 decades of dreaming, and the 2 weeks will come like 2 days and soon I'll be at the altar, exchanging vows in front of God & Man. The honeymoon will come and pass, and it'll be the end of year 2012 soon after. That aside, my priority is to fulfill my 'mission', my 'calling' on earth and to serve God and my community with the gifts given to me. Oh Lord, I want to be a good steward and not hide my talents in the ground! Gaining no interest, no growth, no gain and be punished. I want to serve you more, grow my strengths and love people, bring them to share a blessed life in Christ!

#1
People need the Lord. They may not know it, they may feel it, but they don't know where to find it. One of a career vision I have is to be working for God and encouraging people to deepen their relationship with fellow brothers/sisters in Christ, and most importantly to seek God and obey Him. But am I willing to go through seminary, do I have the faith & perseverance, the courage and gift to speak in public so often, and practically... accept the package? Well, I know that God will provide if I do commit myself to this.

#2
Another vision of my future would be to be the owner of a eco & social business. Stewardship of God's gifts and creation, I want to make environmentally friendly choices and not compromise the earth that God had given, or rob children of a beautiful planet. I want to encourage people practically to choose earth-friendly and community-friendly products... be it the clothes they are wearing, to the type of furnishings or electric consumption, food and everyday services. "Alteration Initiative" is an inspiration. How do you make business work, have some profits, provide a good customer experience & w-o-m advocacy of simple, lifestyle solutions that brings us to a better place?

We want quality, lasting pieces that brings a smile to our faces. Not the throw-away culture. Not the trends that changes like shifting sands in the desert! The challenge would be perhaps to get the skill set required for setting up and managing businesses, or finding a partner, and just...really getting a step in the right direction. Do I know? I have to think more into it. Am I excited? I'll love to do this. Can I do it? Yes, I know I can. I just need some help  & direction & opportunity. And someone who believes in me.

#3
The evergreen vision would be to return to my 'roots' growing up in a family of teachers. Nurturing children and young people to enjoy knowledge, enjoy growing and understanding the world, and developing them to be the leaders of tomorrow is fulfilling. The package isn't too bad but my concern is with balancing my needs to relax & tune out, with this intensive & grueling work.

#4
Growing where I am? I am happy to give it a shot and put my best efforts to it, but balance and family/friendships cannot be compromised. I can just imagine a long holiday each year with 2-3 mini breaks that allows me to tune out completely and recharge, be re-inspired. I care a lot about our business, and I am happy that we're doing well despite the smaller team now.


Sleepy now. I am glad to be able to write these out to sort out my thoughts. Good night.

xoxo,
principessa

Can't bear to leave

Dear diary,

I know I'm getting married soon and that's happy news...but when i look at the things i've accumulated over the years and the memories behind each item that i own, each item contributes to my collective memories of the steps walked, the times passed, and the emotions involved.  This private corner of my room that belongs to me is going to change. I can't shift everything to the new room that I share with K. It's hard to tear away from this space, this little corner of mine that holds so many things & memories.

For example, the painting on my desk wall is a horizonscape of the sea drawn by Anna, given to me as a lovely bday present a few years back. A "Canadian Rockies" postcard from Joy and a picture of her & me taken on her wedding day is there on my desk. My CD player that holds the many cds that I've burnt in my teenage years, those years where I can literally memorize songs & tell you which artist sang what sits here on my left. Gosh, I even remember those emotional moments when I was studying for my exams while listening to these sappy love songs??? 

A furry purple notebook is perched on a shelf, this notebook was given to me by a dear Pri 6 school mate. That is...14 years ago? A white Ikea cupboard stands beside me - how special because I decided to go to IKEA one day & chose this after more than an hour of consideration, carried it back home & assembled it myself. Same for the TKGS doll sitting on top of this cupboard, with her hair dusty and all, but reminding me of the sweet memories of my secondary school days. On my right, there's this pink magazine holder that I bought eons ago to hold my magazines (i've always been an avid reader since secondary school), with a leaflet that's at least 5 years or more old from Shiseido showing me the makeup trends of that time. A classic that I still like and will wear now. A rack of small colorful drawers on my table holds the same stationaries that I used in secondary school! Oh my gosh.

And further right, there's my glass-case whereby soft toys & Syvlerian(???) animal figurines fill the glass display, alongside pretty perfume bottles & other gifts that dear friends have given me as souvenirs or bday presents over the years. How do I put these aside? How do I bear to leave them? Will they have space in my new room or even, my new house in future? :( The IKEA wardrobe that I assembled with my dad many years ago is so dear to me as well, simply because we assembled it together and that my dad bought it for me even though it was expensive (in my sight). Just so that I have enough space to hold my clothes during my uni days. Or even the mattress & bed frame that I have been sleeping in for years. How memorable! The time when bed bugs invaded my bed, how my parents sprung into action to remove the offensive beds & got us new ones. 

So many memories, I know they are not locked up in things. But being the very forgetful me, I may forget all these if I don't have a memento. And how could I even bear to dispose of any of these precious things? :( I suppose I'm too sentimental. Gees. But I deeply treasure everything, everything that loved ones have done for me and given me. This safe & secure home that's never lacking in anything, never lacking in love or warmth, I thank my parents and my family for making it possible. I thank my friends for accepting me and extending their friendship so that we could share these growing up years together. 

Though I am excited and happy to be going to the next step of life, leaving my parents & starting life with my husband-to-be, this isn't easy. Moving forward, leaving the past behind, it isn't easy at all. I know I can still come home, I will...but it'll be different. I know that I'll still be happy and may even be happier, so I suppose and I know that I should just enjoy and treasure every moment, every person in my life, at every stage of life. 

Thank God for blessing me so so much. 

xoxo,

principessa

Special Day Aug 20

Dear Diary,

It's a public holiday today but more than that, it is a very special day for me as I become a bride in 2 months. It is my Engagement party with relatives and the Guo Da Li ceremony. During the meet the parents session from both sides, my dad had asked for a roasted pig and wedding cakes to distribute to our relatives. And finally, today is the day where K brings the huge roasted pig, 12 oranges, 30 boxes of lovely heart shaped wedding cakes, pin jin Hong bao & bridal jewelry gifts to my house. 

I could tell that my dad is really looking forward to this day. He invited all his relatives and started making 100 hakka yong tau foos yesterday afternoon. :-) Everyone helped out - my mum, sis, sis-in-law, brother...all except me as I was still sleeping soundly! Too tired in the afternoon. This morning, my parents woke up early and got to work. Making curry chicken with vegetables (I saw parts the cooking process as Dad asked me to learn. It could a signature dish in future and my abilities to be a good wife will be enhanced if I can cook), fried bee hoon, vegetables & the yong tau foo. He even bought 4 bottles of coke for the guests. :) I love my parents and am really touched by their enthusiasm and love to prepare these for me.

Shortly after at 10+am, the 30 boxes of Prima Deli cakes arrived. It's a really sweet heart-shaped cake with fresh white, pink & green cream with vanilla cake inside! Sis-in-law suggested that we use Baby B's play mat to place the cake boxes on the floor so there's enough space on the table to put the pig. Soon after, K and one of his groomsmen C came over and brought the 20+kg pig to my house. It is so beautifully roasted and crispy! It even has a silly red flower on it's head, and some red puff of frills on its tail, and a middle section wrapped with a huge red "Xi" that signifies marital bliss. :D It is seriously huge. My dad of course, was delighted and beaming! As a christian family, there are many wedding traditions that we don't follow but this is a unique tradition that my dad cares about. Having grown up in a kampung at a tiny island, meat is only eaten on special occasions such as Chinese New Year. Roasted meat is his favourite, and a full roasted pig of substantial size is even rarer to see! Perhaps during weddings, and this could feed the whole kampung. Hence, he is beaming when K's family bought this for him. 

Relatives from my Dad's side came, and my grandma & 2 aunties from my mum's side was there too. I like such a happy & warm environment whereby everyone is talking and in harmony, in buzz and excitement. Even Baby B was downstairs most of the time.

:) It's amazing how such a special day that I thought was trifle-some had became so lovely & memorable. It's all worth it, I told K. Just look at the people & smiles, and praises for the tender & juicy roasted meat dish that was done so well it's a sell-out during lunch! Delighting our parents and honoring their wishes for such a special event is worth it as we'll all have fond memories when we think back. Marriage of the children is important to our parents who brought us up sacrificially, so let's compromise and go along with their wishes whenever it is possible.

xoxo, 

principessa 

Happy Birthday to me :)

Dear Diary,

This birthday had been enjoyable and relaxing. I am very blessed to have two days of rest & celebration this year, being able to feel unemployed for two days and doing the things that I don't usually do. Such as enjoying a weekday lunch with my parents, going shopping with them for a bridal jewelery gift, casually walking around town and exploring shops at leisure, and meeting my dear in casual wear on a weekday night! It wasn't so smooth in the morning but it worked out perfectly, thank you God! 

I love the 916 gold jewelery that we picked together from Poh Heng. It has modern finishes and is something that I'll actually wear. The lighter gold color flatters my complexion and in my heart, I like the design of having two circles on the necklace & earrings. The bigger circle encircles a smaller circle, as if my parents are enveloping and protecting me with love. I didn't tell them this of course. It was also a wonderful trip and a satisfying buy as my parents both agree on the pieces, it's a blessed purchase and something I'll always keep to remember their love with. Of course, our parents love is more than that, there are so many precious memories & sacrifices they have made that is far more important than precious items of mementos! So don't get me wrong. :)

Can you believe that thereafter, my birthdays will be celebrated as a different status? A change from Single to Married? From under my parents warm & protective roof, to a roof of our own? Ours = K & Me. That is amazing, exciting, yet nerving as everything would have changed. When I wake up on my birthday, it won't be my parents that I see but my husband or my parents in law. But thank God again as they are Christians and we all belong to the body of Christ, we are one big family! So I pray oh Lord, please help me to be a kind & caring daughter to my parents, and a loving, gentle & faithful wife, and a peaceful & understanding daughter in law!

Today, as K brought me to Gardens by the Bay for my birthday celebration. I saw manmade super trees amongst cultivated nature of numerous species, soothing chirping sounds of birds caught on tape, cooling mist & flowers of all kinds from deserts to mediterranean climates! It is a beautiful experience to be in a place that brings about natural species from all over the world! People may applaud at how Man had advanced so far as to create artificial climates & trees in a tropical city like Singapore, but I applaud God for his marvelous creation because Man is only but trying to imitate the Creator of the Universe. We can create air conditioned & cloud mists conditions to maintain the life of plants living in the cloud forests, but these species still require the right conditions determined by God to survive. We marveled at the manmade "Paradise Falls" and treetop walks, it is such a delightful experience to be there with my love, but the reason of my marveling is because it reminds me of the real waterfalls that I've seen before! It only but reveals the majesty of my Creator God. 

Another highlight of today is the Flower Dome. We walked and smelt the flowers, plants and soils and each subzone gave us a different feeling. I saw bottle trees and olive trees and am reminded that Jesus is the true vine and we are the branches. The branches of the olive tree are tiny but the trunk of the tree is huge! Life and nutrients are stored in the trunk, nourishing and bringing life sustaining nutrients to the branches & leaves so that it can flower and grow fruits. :) K mentioned that he was reminded of the smells of Europe when we walked past the Mediterranean sub-zone. :)

Last but not least, we had a relaxing cup of afternoon tea & scones at TWG Tea Salon. It was a delightful experience to sit there, chat and have tea. The scones were made wonderfully and it was neither too buttery or too sweet, just perfect with the cream & tea jelly that's made in house. It is such a dream to be able to enjoy a cup of afternoon tea with loved ones. Sharing and savoring these little moments of bliss together. 

So thank God for answering my prayer to have such an enjoyable and relaxing time with my family & with K. Being twenty something is a gift, and so is every year of our life. 

Talking about the mid twenties, I have to do something and follow through on what I set out to do. 

love,

principessa

Upset over sunscreen

Silly title and silly event. I was upset over sunscreen and not being able to swim because it's already 10am, the sun is shining brightly. It is too hot. And I can't locate my waterproof sunscreen.

The last time i saw the sunscreen was when i went swimming with K, two weeks ago. With his knack for misplacing things, it is probably him! He likes to leave things lying around without keeping it properly, thinking that he will remember where it is. And this is detrimental when it happens outside of home.

I just cannot understand why some people can be so forgetful or lazy to leave their possessions around thinking that their wonderful mind will remember to take it back later. Example, we were in a hostel in Aussie and it's the last morning there. He took off his glasses to wash up & change into his contact lenses, went off with clear vision, and the glasses became history. Forgotten until we were already at our next destination.

So it is very likely for me to suppose it is K who left my sunscreen lying around the benches at the pool, outside of my bag or his bag. It is ridiculous to me because I will keep my things back into my bag immediately. I know that my memory is not that good so keeping things close (& zipped, unaccessible to strangers) is my way of protecting my belongings.

Now, it seems to sound that I am upset over a sunscreen. No. It is not just a sunscreen, it is my sunscreen, and it does not just cost what it is, it took time for me to get to the shop to pore through the shelves to choose one. My belongings are precious. Can I lose it? No!

Is it K's fault? Maybe not, but if it is not him, who is it?

I am upset and made him upset too. Can't swim, lost my sunscreen, and this expired sunscreen that I am using now is making my skin sting.

ahhhhhhhharrrrgh. The beginning of a weekend morning did not start well and it's spiraling effects are dampening to the rest of the day. And I know it's wrong to make this affect someone else........................ Just so upset ;(

Irretractable

Dear diary,

It had been a very draining few days. We quarreled over a major disagreement and both sides won't let it go. Insecurities from my past and his insistence for reason was the cause of it.

From this I know that reason and not being controlled and not being moulded into another person is more important to him.

For me, knowing that I hold an important & irreplaceable place matters. That only out of love, a person will sacrifice for the other willingly. He knows that this gaming thing is a demon of my past, and it hurts me that he persistently insist on this being unreasonable... yet he insists on not letting it be carried forward and not acceding to this request.

But the outbursts had already happened. 3 consecutive, tiring days. That it came to a point where unwelcoming & hurtful words were exchanged, irrational & unbecoming actions were taken to a frightening extent that... There is just no turning back. Self hurt or inflicting fire on the other.. Possessed behaviour & ugly manifestations. The mask comes off.

And the person you love becomes a demon to you because of your fear... of being controlled or of losing the other. Fear makes you even more afraid, more tensed and reluctant to open up. Marriage becomes a fearful reality for it is the battleground that you have to face everyday. One wrong move one wrong decision... Another manifestation then... BOOM!

It explodes, escalates, it extinguishes the fire of love. And no more. No more...

No more love but hate. Hatred of the person you love that turned you into a monster. No turning back. It's too late.

Love is best left to the naive, the innocents, the peacemakers. Not to this irrational crazed person who is damaged, sinful and guilty. The hands of time cannot turn back... And with wounds this deep and this big, only God can heal it. Only God...

But me? Me... I don't know. I can't bring myself to let him go after all that we built, I don't want to and I can't just give it up like this. But I can't face something so broken too... I can't face it. He probably think I am a crazy nutcase.

Sometimes I wish that God will bring me up so that I can leave the sorrows of this world. Relationships are so sweet when times are good.. And yet so bad when something is broken.

I fear I'll really kill something out of rashness if i continue to step deeper. This is a great testing field of my life.

Existence and Dreams

I had a surreal experience today thinking about my existence after a period of griping about the pains of growing up and the responsibilities ahead.

And it led me to think about my place in the world in these transient years. What are my dreams and what is my place in society? Time and again I am humbled by how magnificent God is to create me and put me here... There's no getting out either because our souls live for eternity.

Dreams... One of them is to have a lovely country home surrounded by majestic natural scenery done in a country classic & warm, elegant style. I want to own something like this and open it up as a boutique accommodation. It will also be lovely to retire in such a place or have people to manage it. A seaside or mountainside place will be gorgeous, cool fresh air and organic produce!

Another dream is to be going around

Heartless people

People can totally give off the 'heartless' vibe when they respond with prioritizing work & organizational needs above human to human concern.

Instead of directing the reply to the person who wrote it, it was directed to the person who could take over the tasks. Organizational needs are important and one cannot disagree, but human concern expressed towards an employee will go far in anyone trying to gain good leadership skills.

So I cannot help but be turned off by this heartless form of response. Added with superior's 'superior' pride and 'superior' notions of understanding even in the face of clear wrongs, you can see how a person can increasingly dislike present employment conditions!

When I become a leader, I will always put people first. Sincere appreciation instead of book studied management styles without a heart. We don't live to work, we work to live!

Unlike some people who are past their personal prime, who can only find contentment in seeking their career golden after their life long hope is, too, is gone with the wind.

Imperfectly perfect

Lionel Richie was on the talk show some days ago.. And it reminded me all over again of how I like to listen to emo love songs. Something that I had stopped doing for perhaps a year or two... They being replaced by Christian tunes.

Well, I haven't forgotten them and whenever I hear these classic pop ballads that I like, memories of love and emo-ness comes all over again. It is a term that I had been quite foreign to for a while with K... Maybe because it's sunshine most of the time? Or maybe it's just the tremendous amounts of security you feel with the person, that this relationship isn't like before? Or maybe I just want to put away the past and put away these songs that I used to be drunk on. Lol.

Someone once said a while ago of his relationship. That he is with someone who is so imperfect that paired with his imperfection, they are imperfectly perfect. The idea just clicked in my head.

"I'm stuck on you, got this deep feeling in my soul that I can't lose..."

This somehow reminds me of twin again, the emo dude. :) He makes me smile because we've known each other for so long and though we can't be said that we are close... I really appreciate this relationship we've got. Lol.

"Cause you know just what to say and you know just what to do... And I want to tell you so much, I love you." - Lionel Richie Hello.

I wonder how married life will be like. Will it be sunshine as it is now? I don't know. Will I go back to listening to emo sad love songs like I used to? Sometimes it does not reflect the situation or relationship you are in, because it is in a person's personality to want to remember these feelings again.

Longing. Loss. Languish.

It's like watching a sad romantic movie where you know both sides are clearly in love with each other but end up miscommunicating and hurting each other or even leaving each other. it's that kind of sadness. If you know you will cry when you watch such songs, why do you still do ?

Like the song, my endless love.

Opi - Kiss on the chic

1 week old manicure, use for color reference only :) love this creamy opaque pink color with a slight tinge of purple coolness.

First learning goal in 2012 - Pop Piano

Dear Diary,

I have done it! Taken the first step to enriching my personal life, it is a small vector change by taking a step in the right direction. I will complete these 5 classes and practice, I will be able to do this and learn how to play the piano comfortably and have some lovely songs at the back of my head to play at will.

First lesson starts tomorrow, lunch time. Looking forward!

xoxo.

2 extraordinary women in 1 day

I was looking back at some of the posts and side columns that I've written in this blog and realised how much I had changed! Plenty. And it's not that I was not who I am but it is more of the work life taking a toll in me. Who is the real me? What will I be if not for this job that I am in?

Questions, but no answers, yet. Should I be doing this any longer? If not, what is it that I should do? No answers again, yet.

Anyway I had watched 2 extraordinary women today - The Iron lady & Audrey Hepburn. Lots to think about and I'll write again.

xoxo.

Opi shopping!

I am so excited as I am going to get some pretty colors for my nails! :) just ordered them online and looking forward to smooth sweet nails.

- Opi dulce le leche
- Opi elephantastic pink (not getting)
- Opi my address is Hollywood
- Opi dim sum plum
- Opi alpine snow (for designs!)

Small changes big impact

It is a Sunday afternoon and I didn't know what to do, I feel like a lost sheep who have lost sight of the pastures... Just wandering around for a place to spend a few hours, praying to God to find me back.

So after a quiet lunch at my favorite food stall, I headed to the library. It was the right choice and the right place to be, I haven't stepped in for some time but libraries are places to be loved! Libraries should be places that lost people hang out at because there are so much in it to be gained.

Welcome to the wonderful world of books! Each holding a possibility, some knowledge that you cherish once you open it and get through it. Books can teach us so much, they can open our eyes by going through the penciled effort researched and processed by the writer. Everyone interacts differently with the same book, and that is magic to me.
I picked up a book today called "Small changes BIG impact". Some pearls of wisdom I have received:
Basically, people who seem to have it all may not be successful. Their careers may be soaring and living space upgraded but they can be relationally poor as they neglect spending time with their wife and children, they may have lost the zest for their job. Some people may have plenty of achievements under their belt and is an amazing volunteer always on the buzz to launch new community projects, loved by many but what they really dream of is a good marriage and kids....

- Concept of experience bank; financial capital, relational capital, physical capital, intellectual capital, spiritual capital

- Concept of vector effectiveness, what I have done will lead me to where I am in future.. So if I make small changes towards my vision I can achieve it

- Concept of ripple effect and how this can affect others: success is how we define it but people who are happy and successful are often the ones who have made a transformational difference in other people's lives, making a difference and contributing to people in our sphere of influence, using the gifts God give us and handling our role, our spot.

- Success can be achieved if you can be contented in whichever situation.

- Teaching kids to talk to others and build relationships from young even if they are shy, encourage them to ask "5 questions" to people.. Can prepare questions before hand for that situation

- Career success can happen if we found our passion and do it, think of what it is that you enjoy doing so much that you don't mind doing for free, and how good it is if you can be paid to do it!

- Financial capital can be gained with good money habits, spending within means; saving; investing with a plan

- Relational capital can be gained by spending quality time with loved ones and friends, making time for meals with others, inviting "neighbors" for dinner once a year

- Physical capital can be gained by having regular health and dentist check ups, healthy diet and weekly fitness plan!!!

- Intellectual capital can be gained by reading a few books every month that is outside our job role to gain wide knowledge, investing in hobbies, volunteering your time using your abilities to help the community or other people. Stimulating your mind and increasing these experiences, eg mentoring a young couple in relationships if you have a good marital relationship with spouse

- Spiritual capital can be gained by giving God 15mins a day to read the bible, praying to God alone or with others, for self and others. Attending church activities or talks or books that enrich my spiritual life..! Giving God what is most precious - time.. And best time of the day is usually in the morning before anything happens (I remember reading the bible early in the morning before I did anything else when I was in school)

Xoxo,
Principessa

A loss

Shortly after I wrote the previous post, the news came fast and swiftly, the last hope of the job was quenched. The prayer was effective as K's plea for quick closure came.

Despite my belief that he will be delivered through this job, I know that it was only recently that I came to it. Before, I've always been praying for a job that will glorify God and God, the alpha and omega of all things know what we can take. If it's beyond us, he will give us strength to go through it.. Or close the door on us.

Faith is believing when you can't see. And right now with the prospects empty in this horizon, it's like the army has vanished but the enemy is trudging close every day. Where do you find your soldiers? How do you train them up quickly?

Yet like how Gideon defeated the Midianites with only 300 soldiers instead of 32,000 that he had at first.

God will provide and we continue to trust in Him.

Love,
Principessa

It is such a luxury to stay at home

Truly! When you are time pressed and are always out of the house, home becomes so sweet a sound. I made the choice to go home for dinner with my family today. Haven't been at home for some time and I miss them so much! I didn't sit down and have a dinner with them but we shared the same food.. And seeing them before they actually go to bed is something I cherish too. I am usually home so late that the lights are off...

It becomes my new year resolution to come home earlier on Sundays to have dinner with my family, to eat food cooked by my loving mum, to spend time bathing earlier than midnight and luxuriate around at home. Things so simple becomes so precious! Even cutting fruits and asking my dad to eat it, the short exchange of words (my dad does not communicate verbally too much), even just checking on my Sis... Helping to wash the dishes as an act of appreciation to mum who cooked the food, sitting here in my room typing this with a book in hand (my next 'mission'), thinking about the simple piano practice I had... And the vacuuming of my bedroom.

All these are such a luxury oh Lord! Thank you for allowing me this time that I treasure so much. Thank you for bringing me into your presence this morning just to worship you and wake up early to attend the bible study classes. My 2012 has been so productive already if I just commit myself to Sunday bible study early in the morning and sunday dinners with my family. I'll be so content!

Well, there are other goals too and 1 is to get some fitness into my life and lower my cholesterol. A wedding this year and coping with the move and the big event and having enough finances to pull through this (my fiancé is still jobless) are all things I have to deal with!

But God is gracious and loving to me. God is good and i have faith that He will give me strength to pull it through, and I have faith that everything will work out so perfectly and amazingly even beyond my wildest imaginations!!! Today's class is about "live by faith and not by sight", and indeed even if the situation looks somewhat downcast, my Lord is good and He will deliver!

Here is my faith in what God will provide is with, I am listing it here to record my prayers and I want to testify and when God answers, all glory be to Him!

1) Fiancé WILL get the job he has been interviewing for since OCT, even though the competitor is strong and the signs point otherwise! God has provided us many godly people and signs that He will provide us with this as long as we wait upon Him!

2) Our wedding finances WILL be sufficient for us! We won't spend unwisely but God will bless us with His faithfulness and everything will be enough for the honeymoon, for the banquet & church & for photos .. Everything. God will give us enough and we will have enough savings for our house too.

3) We WILL be able to fill out an ambitious 40 tables at our wedding banquet with people we love and care about! It is not a real choice because we want the ballroom size, the hotel, the date and the cost they state and we need at least 35 tables for "must invite" friends & relatives. How do we get the other 50 people??? God will lead us to people who will love to spend the day & celebrate with us. :)

4) That wedding arrangements, relationships with boss & colleagues over the wedding & all it's preparation WILL be good & work out. Photographers, florists, decorators, caterers, makeup artists, hotel people, bridal boutique... Everyone will work well together and everything is smooth

Love,
Principessa

My God works in amazing ways

Dear diary,

Know I haven't written for a while but I must share about how God has worked in amazing ways in people's lives.

My fiancé is retrenched since Dec as the company he is working is heavily affected by the Europe debt crisis, his boss and him and half of his department has been retrenched. Praise God for though income is uncertain... He has got to the final round of interview with an established & credible company. No job in sight yet with this very stretched period of waiting. Yet.. Praise God for his provisions as we have enough to get by. :)

His ex-boss have found a job too. He was initially quite lost but a sermon in church gave him faith in our Mighty God, with the story of Peter walking on water.

The apostles were in a boat in the middle of a heavy storm, their teacher/spiritual leader was not with them. Worried and fearing for their lives, the storm tossed and swept the boat from side to side. In the middle of the night, they saw a figure in a distance and it looks like.. Jesus. "Can this be Him?", they thought. Jesus was walking on water! No one was quite certain if it is a ghost or the teacher himself but Peter called out excitedly and amazed, he asked Jesus if he can walk on water too. Yes you can, come to me. And Peter, with his eyes fixed on Jesus, stepped out of the boat and put his feet in the water. He started walking on water! "This can't be real", some probably might have thought. "But it is! It is a miracle!"

After a while Peter took his eyes away from Jesus and started looking at the water around him, he is really walking on water! With a storm that had just passed, surely this can't be true that he can indeed walk on water?? Peter panicked and then he started sinking. He flailed his arms around and shouted for help, "Teacher, please save me! Jesus, help me!". As he looked upon the Lord again, he felt an arm pulling him up of the sinking scary depths. It's Jesus, our savior.

Encouraged by this story, his ex-boss found faith in God again. He know that even if his situation is uncertain and he is out of his comfort zone, God will help us when we fix our eyes on Jesus and depend not on our own human understanding. :)

Soon after, a client of his who had always admired his work hired him immediately after hearing that he has lost his job. And there again, God has truly provided!

Isn't our God amazing? He works in wonderful and mysterious ways that we do not know! Put your faith in Jesus.

Love,
Principessa