sour blue lemon

It happened yesterday when the unavoidable finality of 2010 hits me, hard reality. All for no apparent reason. And before gratefulness dislodges such a thought, I became a sour blue lemon.

I don't want 2010 to end! I'm not ready for this yet! Why, why does days and hours and minutes determine December from January? An age, a number, oh most dreadful twenty five!

I do not want to be 25, not yet. It's a quarter of my life spent (assuming we live to a 100) yet still not having a proper direction, no maps no guides, not much achievements, just time past. Not horribly past, not wasted, but i didn't achieve anything except reach the me now.

The me with:
A loving family
A peaceful home & the future to come
A comfortable bed
A stable income
And a very great blessing - Kenneth
An even greater one - To be able to come to God and seek His help in times like this.

Career? Unsure. Passion in life? What happened. Dreams of my own business? Where are the ideas where is the drive where is everything. Health goals? Lagging and lazing. Friends? True are rare. Mountains? Dance? Ideals berates me.

So I became a sour blue lemon, poor K. Complaining and talking out with great sadness truly. Brought out a heavy burden and did not use it. We were supposed to go to the gym.

He became Hopeful while I remained a sour blue lemon just slightly less sour and less blue after sharing about my reading of "Pilgrim's Progress". It was back to normal after that. He said that it is because I didn't put God in the picture, I wanted to do everything myself.

And yes that's perhaps why i was a sour blue lemon. But compared to so many other people, I have A LOT to be thankful for. You'll be surprised because I can rattle on and on about it. Yet in the tide then, sour blue lemon was me.

*Needs to pray*

Sick :(

A most horrible feeling to be sick and woozy. You're on medical leave yet you can't do anything, you can't leave the house because of a throbbing headache, body ache, and all the terrible sickly sensations.


And there is no one at home to talk to, you can't really watch much TV or catch a movie online because of feverish and radiation doesn't go together. You don't really want to sleep because you've slept so much.


:( Being sick is horrible, I rather be healthy and go to work. And be able to do whatever you want.