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Remember Nash? I do. The dog that is always happy in his own way, minding his own, the one that i tried to show more love to from his 3rd year to his 8th, the one who had a birthday cake only on his 8th year.
He was so happy he was grinning in the next picture. But I am not posting it.
My half-pet Nash. He died earlier this year. And though I didn't say much, tears replaced words. And I remember, I'll always remember him. Nash-ie, can you hear me? I am sorry I wasn't there when you had to pass on, I remember, i remember i was there when you were admitted to the hospital. I was there when you had fits lying helpless on the floor, thrashing about. I was so worried about you, I do love you. But silly me, for years I was afraid. I didn't trust you, even when you've never ever jumped on me. I'm sorry I never trusted you fully and I am sorry I wasn't there you see you at your last.
Nash-ie, I miss you. The happy dog with your tail wagging at the picket fence. Thank you.
the song that was playing that night on repeat. i can never forget it.
"two hearts, two hearts that beat as one
our lives have just begun
forever, i'll hold you close in my arms
i can't resist your charms
my love.. i'll be a fool for you
i'm sure.. i'm sure you'll know i don't mind
cause of you, you mean the world to me
oh, i know, i know i've found in you
my endless love.."
try as i might, it is still there. and though i know the time is gone, it's like a song trapped in a musical box playing the beautiful Love Story. can i put it away?
If there is a procedure that can remove your memory selectively, will you do it?
Someone did. Rash, impulsive woman that she is, after a great love story.
as with every love story, with its ups and downs
and ins and outs of happiness.
and ins and outs of doubts.
but so there she did it, all the memories erased as he grapples with why
why the girl he love has forgotten none but him
all so suddenly
all so suddenly
and there filled with pain he investigated
and told his story
of a man so hurt by the forgetting
but while he hung on, and wondered why
he took the step, the same procedure
and on his journey of forgetting
it was so easy at first as each memory replays itself
relives itself
like a tape recorder playing backwards
the nasty ones came
those at the back
the ones that stole her away
that all happiness at first was forgotten
forgotten by the last bad ones
each memory replays
like a tape recorder playing backwards he relived
but at the end of it, she disappears
and he forgets
and through each memory good and bad he went
went and saw and felt how he remembered it to be
in and out of happiness
up and down into love
but each time she vanishes as the memory ends
erased. like a spot vacuumed away
and as he goes through
the ups and downs of each memory
the ins and outs of happiness
bad memories came
bad memories went
good memories came
good memories went
and went and went
left.
she had left.
and just a little bit more he knows it will reach the end
of all the memories they ever had
through the ups and downs, ins and outs
he couldn't stand it anymore
he doesn't want to forget her anymore
but
helplessly he watches
as she vanishes from each and every one
gone.
no matter how he tries.
the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
of two lovers who were once so close
now forgotten
like two strangers who had never met
the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
will you take the step?
how blue can i get you can ask my heart
i'm like a jigsaw puzzle that has been torn apart
a million years from now i'll be loving you still
i'm just thinking about the love that we had
and i'm missing you
tomorrow morning i'm here on the dusty road
gonna find you wherever you may go
and hope u'll come back to me
say when the nights are lonely
the nights are lonely the days are so sad
and i'm missing you
and nobody knows it but me.
Like what he said, maybe the most peaceful way to go is to fall asleep and never wake up again
and life is too hard sometimes
you just want to surrender it all
and hope you'll fall into sleep
no hurt no pain no sadness
no insecurity
no consolation
no more questions
no more doubts
no more tears
no more love
because there you are at the other side
my eyes glazing down towards you
watching as you ponder through the streets of life
wondering
wondering
but not too long later i do know
you'll be alright no hurt no pain
no sadness no doubts
no fears no questions
and live on again
again in your life's journey
not too much later you'll fall again
and say all things you have said
all too clear i know
you'll be fine
you'll be fine i know
and i'm consoled at the other side
that you are fine
and me
i am not
but it doesn't matter anymore
there's no turning back
from there i watch you
and from there i pine
for my memories to lose
its visions of you
no more sadness
no more tears
no more suffering
no more doubts
no more fears
and no more you.
no more love.
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
you gotta be wiser
you gotta be hard, you gotta be tough
you gotta be stronger
you gotta be calm, you gotta be together
all i know, all i know, love will save the day
I'm singing a part of this in our 30th anniversary video. Don't know if it'll make the cut but its fun to try! Will be seen by my peers from all over the world! Hehe :)
This has been a happy weekend, we spent two whole days together. :)
Saturday was spent making our own food and watching a movie at home. We made hamburgers together and he knew exactly what we need for it, i was merely preparing the ingredients and baking the buns. We got some minced beef, breadcrumbs, onions, garlic, an egg and some worchestor sauce with a pinch of salt, mixed them all together and moulded them into burger patties. We had stirfried mushrooms and onions on top, and some vegetables with melted garlic herb butter.
He looks quite good doing all that cooking. Sometimes I can't help but suggest ways of doing things (e.g. the right way to find out if the beef patty is cooked) but it worked out well.
As it was just the two of us and we made 5 patties, we had it for lunch & dinner. :D For dinner, i made a salad with peach flavoured yogurt and romaine mixed greens and it tasted really good. After that, it was a home movie - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Sad yet beautiful tale of how 2 lovers tried to erase their memories of each other. A movie that makes you think. And think indeed. If I had a choice, will I choose to erase specific memories of the past? Memories can be so strong with potential to affect us years after it happened, and for some people, they could never let go of it. Just like the memories of your first love..
First love, when was mine? Maybe if it is not so significant now, the first may not truly be first?
I digress. Sorry. Anyway back to Sunday, sunday was spent with him again. Witnessing G's baptism, going to church together, having lunch with his family, chilling out being home-bodies, and then, having claypot dinner with his friends and 2 german friends. We also brought them to explore the infamous now severely sanitized red light district of Singapore.
Being with him, anywhere, is always happy. But a little surprise change of activities and a sense of adventure once in a while is delightful. ;) He's never going to read this, I think mais mon cheri, je'taime.
xoxo,
principessa
