A rock

Yes, I've got the rock. Some time ago, that is about 3 weeks back. *beams*

Wagyu beef burger

Today, Dad made me a wagyu beef burger. Even though there were only 2 for our household of 6, I got 1 of them. He didn't even have any.. And i know he will really love to have a bit of it.

Thanks Dad. Even though it is a simple buttered burger, it tastes better than all the beef burgers I've eaten.

Amazing Amazon and His great love

Two things to be really thankful for today is..

- The surprise of receiving an email from Amazon telling me that one of my books have been shipped first at no extra charge. And then another email saying that the rest of the books have been shipped too. Amazing Amazon! Their success is really inventory management, being the wiki store of books and such, and over-deliver on expectations. :)

- Being greeted by a magical night sky! After a really tough and stressful day at work, I thank God for sustaining me. But just when work overwhelms and clouds my vision, God steps in to comfort me with the sight at my balcony. A very bright round moon lit night! I could just make up the clouds among the pinkish dark hues, and the soft breeze enveloping you and reminding us just how human and small we are in the bigger scheme of things!

Stars! In the skies! They speak of His glory and His promise to Abraham to make his descendants numerous like the stars in the sky and the sand at the sea. How precious are His promises.

How they comfort me in times when I really need help, as work traps me in a concrete building, as I toss and turn over life's decisions, as my heart cries out for help. Only He hears, and only He can deliver me.

Dreaming of the next holiday. And extended happy times with loved ones!

And as always, I thank God for K.

Xoxo,
Principessa

A sense of..

I don't know what it is called but maybe it is apprehension. After all, there are many changes around me and i have never really liked it especially when it comes to work.

One of my colleague is leaving, while the other is on half year in another office. Not that I have been very close to them but.. It's also at a period of my work life that I should grow more. And not stay stagnant.

Growing not in work hours, please! But the last raise was a year ago. I know in order to increase that.. I will have to do more.

Sighs. But is this the right place for me? Whenever I get the sinking feeling to leave and pray really hard about it, the other options don't seem so viable now while.. At the time of uncertainty, something new shows up at my door. It is me.. Do I want to take it on?

Do I want to pursue growth? If I do I cannot take a back seat.. Being the most senior one here at the moment, it is an opportunity indeed. But can I? I need a lot of help from God indeed!

And it's not impossible but God.. I just want a holiday sometimes. Yet we reap what we sow and we have to work hard for your glory. Whatever it is we are doing as a occupation also reflects His mighty glory! Being a Christian in the secular world and shining as a light in a place of darkness is also important.

Personally then, oh God please draw me to you. And may I be able to draw from You, the source of life. The source of love and wisdom.

Seriously. Help. But I need to get out of my comfort zone in order to grow.

Love,
Xoxo principessa

A Deja-vu feeling

I remember not too long ago when I was still an undergrad, walking past the Gateway buildings with my friends just so to get some ice cream at Shaw. Of how I had this feeling of wonder when I saw the water fountain and well heeled office workers going around their routine.

I remember thinking of how it will be like when I get into the working world. How would it be like? How will I be like?

How strange, what a foreign world it was to me!

And then I remembered how I had to compose myself before the important interview that I was truly excited about. A job that I never thought I'll be in but heck, i'll try anyway! By God's grace, that's how I ended up here.

Sitting at the steps of the very place I was at thinking those thoughts above, some years ago. And waiting for my taxi after a long day at work to bring me back home.

Where a warm home cooked dinner awaits.

Xoxo,
Principessa

Breathe

Hello diary,

Writing this as I go towards the direction of a church, jotting down my thoughts on mobile. There's so many things to sort out, I think writing helps.

Just randomly:

On S P A C E, it is a mystery even to myself. How much is needed? Is it abnormal? At work, solo reflective or zoning out lunches are a necessity to keep the stresses in check. But it is also the freedom of being able to do whatever you want, budget place time sequence. Similarly this pervades personal life as sometimes.. Just going with your agenda is a luxurious thought, especially on weekends when you have a whole day free.

On G O D, I nearly wanted to stay at home and bum around.. Imagining a nice petite cup of passionfruit latte from coffeebean and a small blueberry muffin. Hmm cinnamon or banana walnut will do too. Petite, si'l vous plait! Did that stem from laziness, or lack of spiritual leaning/need, poor relationship with God, or what?

Don't know.. But I can only think about breathing. No responsibility.

Is a holiday needed? Another sign that I need an escape. If only I am not afraid of breathing in water, then I can imagine myself swimming like a mermaid among nemos and colorful fishes.

The mystery of the deep sea scares me still, but what an amazing surreal world, so mysterious and out of reach that when you actually get in there, i don't know if I'll be over excited and start breathing in and out of my nose again. Easily a suicide case because we have to use our mouths not our noses!

On M A T E R I A L S, I just bought a $135 bag made of PV and calf leather handled. Ouch! I like it because it is pink purple.. And the interesting quilt like texture. But the size is a bit too large to handle. Buyer's regret? Don't know.. But it'll work well with dull clothes.

Ok got to go and meet Anna.

Xoxo

The journey home

Here I am sitting in the taxi called at 8.30pm winding down after a long day at work. My professor from uni left a comment on my Facebook on how he has always envisioned me to be the young jet setting executive and how nice and happy he is for me. Seeing that makes me feel that I am so blessed to be in a company like this..

Global, important, in people's daily lives. A team and senior management that supports us to grow if we want it hard enough. Jet setting lifestyle is a bit of a stretch because frankly I don't travel so much.. In my 1.75 years here I have only visited Asia three times and US once for work. So it is really desk bound most of the time, managing client and rep relations, being pedantic and meticulous in planning, accuracy and also in reporting, coming up with proposals and ideas, keeping up to date because of the speed we move..being quick thinking, resourceful and independent while also being a good team mate. We do go beyond borders and that applies from resource sharing to client management and even meeting our sales targets. You meet people from different cultures, and just the borderless nature of my job makes me excited.

This above is not a pitch for my job but a summary of what I think. And how much more I need to learn and reach up to these expectations.

Anyway enough about work cos I am talking even when I am off! The original purpose was to hot down what I just thought seeing the scenic condo around kallang river. I thunk for my nature even if I do grow to afford it, will I choose a penthouse condo instead of a landed house? Haha I don't know but high rise living has been a familiar life since so long ago. Enough day dreaming, reaching home soon. Yay! Going to appreciate my mum's healthy loving dinner.

a strange dream - waterpark

i had a strange dream this morning, even in my bits of sickness. did the fever burn my head? but it sure stung.

in my dream, he brought me to a water park. he seems to have been there once before and made some acquaintance, and they were all females. 

he tried to hold my hand and I tried to be close whenever some girls talk to him. 

but somehow we lost each other in the park. there were many rides and because we had no mobile with us I tried searching for him but in vain. In my mind he probably went to find a ride, but I am always so scared I didn't dare to take any. is that why he left? 


i queued for one but don't dare to take it when it was my turn. the ride was too curvy and too steep, what if the landing is not proper? the curve was too twisting and steep.

I kept worrying about these safety issues that I didn't take any. Still looking but he is nowhere in sight. strange possibilities came into my mind, where is he?

The past is a blur

Like a memory block, I can't really remember what had happened in those years. K said that his memory of that is dead, like a black and white reel of life playing devoid of sound, in a blur. No longer high definition, no sounds no colors. 


How about me? It is a mental block. Vaguely i can remember bits and pieces, but no emotions, no real faces but just flashes from my vision.


Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind... ... ... 


He said at first that he will read the letter due to him should the person take the trouble to write it. No! He can't. He cannot. He shouldn't.


What if it is a tragic account? Like those sad K drama? Disappearance because of a really valid reason? 


I love you too much to hurt you. I love you to much to hold on, go on.. away from me.. I have a reason.


Is that so? Yes or no, no, he cannot read it. Why does it matter? It shouldn't. The person is gone, you are not living in your past. Don't. 


or perhaps the today will tear away as the words slowly unfolds. folding up like the 3d card, and this world collapses. 


tell me. throw it away. 

Fever

Am on medical leave today and though most of the world is groggy, at least there is consolation in being off work. It is as if my colleagues are fighting fire for me, and in times like this I am thankful our team is strong. It is one of the things I am thankful for. :) 


I managed to repair 2 of my clothing today with a sewing kit, that is another blessing.


But i do feel groggy and feverish again, back to bed I go. And 8 panadols a day, 3 flu pills, 3 throat inflammation pills. Boos. :(


Lord, please help me recover as quickly as possible so I can prepare for Europe. Lord, please help K to be healthy and fit for his NZ trip, let him not fall sick, so that he has strength to enjoy the well deserved break and see your glorious creation, may he be a light among his friends, shining in your example and plentiful of love and endurance. May your honor and glory be known to his friends through him, and Lord please open their hearts and touch them, draw them close to you.


Lord please also bring him safely home, back to Singapore, back to me. Thank you God. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 

Influenza

I caught the influenza. A horrid illness that spreads easily, and i caught it after talking to a sickly shop assistant for no more than two minutes. She had watery eyes and really red nose.

Rapidly the virus took root and spread, I don't believe I have been sick so rapidly in less than 24 hours. Barely a day after the contact, I have been sniffing, sneezing, runny nose, aches and weakness, watery eyes, feverish and yet also have the chills. Terribly strong strain this is, even fruit juice and healthy yong tau foo couldn't save it.

:( :( Prays to God to help me, Lord please heal me.

And meanwhile, I have been thinking, K better not come near me. He cannot be sick during his NZ trip!

Europe and a song

Allow me to post a song on my playlist, repeated since 8.30. 





And the strangest feeling came over me, I won't elaborate on this but it does awake quite some thoughts. 


I will be in Europe in two weeks. A dream come true. 


love,
principessa

A different weekend

For the first time in many many weeks, and even more than a year altogether, I feel rather lost on a weekend. Before when work has not yet started, weekends are little different to a week day when, we are only required to be in school when the timetable calls for it, or perhaps when there is a project or some revision to do in school.

Life has certainly changed. Most surely. Most surely indeed. The difference a weekend and a weekday feels, or school holidays as with public holidays now, or paid vacation days I should say, are great! I certainly appreciate off days and weekends tremendously more.

Sigh. A permanent job and responsibilities rob of freedom and flexibility, while before the lack of money is the cause. We can't travel as we wish, we can't spend as we wish for every cent have to be used most prudently when it is lacking. The life of a poor student! Independence in time but dependent on the dollar! As for the life of a salary drawer, our life though still dependent on the state of our finances has independence from most interference - in the getting of it we are solely responsible. And so is the spending of it.

My apologies if I sound somewhat different in this post, as not only is this a different weekend, it is a literary weekend where I have been happily dosed with the company of Jane Austen. Good old sensible Austen, her best selling novel Pride and Prejudice, as well as the good drama from BBC has kept me occupied whenever my thoughts drift to the other side..of the world.

Where, my dear heart is. Thankfully for technology, I can hear and see him for a bit when we are on Skype. Precious minutes they are. But this is the first weekend I have to miss him completely (we always spend it together). And there are 2 more to come, two more. A total of 3/4 of a month will have to bear the loss of his company. I know not what to do, I only hope he is safe and happy wherever he is, and will be back soon just, or better than before. :-)

We have started on the PMC (if you do not know what I am referring to, it's too bad) and had gone for a lesson. Regretfully we have to miss 3 of the sessions because of his being away, but we will meet up one to one with our mentor to catch up. The homework is looooong indeed and involves a lot of thought!

I'll get started and done with it by the time he is back. :) Wish me ideas on what to do, I do miss him very much.

love,
principessa

A surreal moment

It was a simple walk as per our normal weekend plan. Yet the feeling is surreal.

Blessed. No boundaries kind of sharing between two people. At a place with a tree full of white, flowers or birds we can't decide, because an inch not they moved! The only moment was the gentle swaying with the wind..

It is funny because just some time before I was restlessly checking Bakery Story then and now. Till the novelty rubs off in days.. I hope I won't be plugged into the 24/7 kind of world apple (and smart devices of the like) enchants you with..

Test mobile

Testing post

Milo after a cold day

Work was a monday blue with a stressed Boss, much of her day in calls, solving problems, listening to concerns, remembering what needs to be done and making sure it is... It's fast paced alright. It is not easy being at the top unless the person possess a chillax personality and has plenty of experience & knowledge to deal with it. Judgement calls. Been there done that. 


Will I want to be there in 8 years? How about a year's time? To be proactive, outgoing, sociable, humorous and witty will go a long way. Successful people are a joy to be with, they drive people, gain trust, are calm and understanding, assertive and confident. I think that is what senior management is about, and they have to be patient, have a healthy lifestyle and be able to balance personal and work life. How ideal. 


I managed to get off work on time and met up with K. He's meeting his friends for dinner nearby and we were able to meet for a while. Any bit of time is good. We got a cup of hot milo and sat down, talked about our day, and for a good 30 minutes, it was the best part of the day. :) 


Cold and wet day it was today! It was so cold I was shivering when I got out of bed. Despite closing the windows to a small gap, the air was moist and chilly. I wish, I could, like some people who can afford to be in bed a bit longer, stay under the warm covers where monday type of blues lies far, far away. 

we got our flat

:) bought.

8 January

He asked. :) :) :)

After a special dinner, under the starlit sky, twinkling lights with heart shapes in the sky.

From there, we could hold our place between our fingers.

First workday of 2011

It's finally here, two thousand and eleven. 

The sour blue lemon went away, and was replaced by happiness bubbling from time to time. Happiness at so many things :)

Though I was sapped at work today, there's comfort in company of listeners (namely K who listens to talks to me everyday). Though saps make me inclined to search for a grand career again, there's blessings in stable income within reach. Though week days can be blue, there are weekends and week nights to be see my loved ones, go home for dinners, meet friends. And well, and maybe afford a shopping trip irregularly.

We went to walk around our house yesterday and explored our estate in-depth. It is an amazingly beautiful spot, I love it the way it is now. Serene and breezy, smells of fresh air blowing over the river, trees and open fields. That's the beauty of the suburban east. The field is huge and I know it won't remain this way, a nice big rectangle field perfect for an evening jog because airflow is unblocked. 

There's the sports hall and swimming pool, a gym and community centre, polyclinics, shopping mall & MRT within walking distance. Unblocked wind because of the low-lying sports hall and the river park just across our 'land'. There's even a broadwalk above the river and floating wetland with lights similar to Hort Park/Mt Faber. 

I love it! He loves it too. And what is most endearing is that we can talk so much about the future and he is not an inch scared by spending it with me. We are bubbling with excitement over something that will only materialize in a couple of years! Lol.

"Way back into love"

I've been living with a shadow over head, 
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long, 
Trapped in the past I just can't seem to move on


I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away, 
Just in case I ever need them again some day
I've been setting aside time, 
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind


All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Ohhhhhhhhhh


I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine, 
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere


I've been looking for someone to shed some light, 
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction 
and I'm open to your suggestions


All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
But if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end


Ohhhhhhhhhh
Ohhhhhhhhhh


There are moments when I don't know if it's real, 
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

But if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end