Astonishing numbers

In the newspapers today I was reading about the last decade being the hottest decade than 80% of the earth's past 11,000 years. Astonishing it is not, but yes it is a frightful reminder of how we need to be conscious consumers and good global citizens of this earth! A BBC documentary brought me along Simon Reeve's journey in the Indian Ocean and revealed the thousands of trawlers along the waters of Mumbai who goes hundreds of kilometers away to dredge the sea of it's treasures, current & future, destroying the sea bed and catching clueless turtles and mantra rays and inedible but incredibly beautiful fishes along with it. I hate these trawlers and unsustainable ways of fishing, not a thought to destroying the underwater universe!

However, I realise that I would have inevitably contributed to the fortunes of the trawlers by my voracious consumption of seafood. :(

Contradictions

For lack of a better title. It's lunch time now and I am thankful to be able to enjoy a leisurely drink at this moment although its an emotional mind wreck within. It's always hard to be on something and yet have to convince someone on another. I think the someone is myself.

Dear God you must have something planned. The will that was strong, I was convinced and yet now it backfires. I just want to do what I could do and do it to the best. I just want to contribute what I could and be contented with the work, with the blessing you have promised. Is it because oh God that I had prayed for other opportunities that now you are opening a path for me? But my head aches and I am not sure how to proceed because time is not on this side, how do I prepare and how do I convince? Peace oh God is what I need.

To go and find out for myself if its the place to be? Yet the mouths of many from the other side tells me that the working hours are more than I had imagined, the stress could be higher while rewards are lower, and it is even more stressful I suppose because of what you represent. Oh God you are merciful to me, how gracious you are for the opportunity. Can I lead a balanced and happy life? Can I concentrate on the really important things in life such as serving you, being there for my family, developing in hobbies and skills that could be used to serve you better?

My head still aches and I don't know what to do. The procedures and preparation daunts me and I hope to overcome it. Only with you God, are you with me on this?

Writing doesn't seem to help.

Uncertainties

Life is full of turns. Of hopes and faith, and of discouragement and unclear signals. What seemed promising might not be so, maybe what you are doing isn't enough, or what you are communicating about what you are doing does not do justice to what is done.

Expect a huge growth spurt. Sacrificing time and prioritizing, what and how really? What exactly? When will you ever be ready?

Maybe never fully, not when the path isn't right. If you are walking the wrong way, you would never reached the destination. Back track, grin and carry on... This time to the right track.

What is the right path?

Xoxo

Just a little... Disappointed

Dear diary,

I am a little disappointed today at a friendship. I've been eagerly helping my friend with advice on the wedding and prep, on housing, advice on makeup and beauty and on moving house and buying beds etc, but I do not feel that I had been appreciated, and not in the wedding speech, nor part of the bridal party.

Maybe the relationship is not as important that it is, and many other friends are available and had been there longer. I am just lamenting on this, feeling a bit lost at the moment at the state of my life now with friends. To think about it, there is not many people that I particularly hang out with. I wonder why... Is it because i do not ask them or that I feel awkward at building deeper relationships and they might, feel the same way too?

Maybe God... There's only you I could turn to at all moments. And at tiny physical moments in time, I either share the activity with a romantic partner or share it with no one at all.

Just thinking...

Xoxo

Back again - Les Mis

Today marks the second time I'm watching Les Miserables in the cinema. This time it was with my colleagues.

Walking away from the theater, I felt inspired by the movie and yet, defeated and drained. Not sure why this is so but perhaps it's because the movie reminded me of the grace given to us with passion and with blood, to redeem us and give us new life! Broken chains of the past, new life and a bright future! A clean slate. And the man Jean Valjean used the grace and forgiveness to start an honest life anew. From hatred to love, from being looked down to looking after the trodden, from being condemned to a man who gives freedom to another that thirsts to take freedom away! Powerful themes in the show and stirring indeed.

But why oh my heart do I feel down trodden, and lost and loneliness creeps in? Is it because I did not speak out to voice my opinion?

A colleague talked about how some friends have babies out of wedlock as if its something normal, and another agreed that it's really common now it's the norm now. And how my heart and soul wants to interrupt! In a fallen world this is what things have come to? How did something wrong become the norm, held so by society? And then another phrase came that says: "Guys, use protection!" and it was agreed.

How I do not agree and yet I did not speak! Why? Why am I afraid and why am I timid? Speak or forever keep your peace. I've been reminded of a Christian passage that I read recently of passiveness being a sign of agreement.

I feel down that I had not spoken and I had not lived up to the glory of my savior by allowing worldly things to bother me. Case example: we were listening to some modern music in the car that I deem are unhealthy songs of hurt & sensational desires. Others seem to know these songs so readily at the back of their minds, but why did I feel a tinge of sadness at not knowing these songs? Why should I even feel that emotion because honestly, those are nothing to be admired about! It keeps you with the times and helps you when talking to the general people who enjoy popular culture... Yet here is nothing wrong for feeling left out if being left out of negative music is a positive thing in God's kingdom.

Hence I am now cheered after baring my thoughts. Writing has such a soothing effect when you get things out and sort things out in the process. I should be joyful in The Lord! I no longer belong to the world and its hurts but I belong to God.

Xoxo.

Ironing & chores

Hello Diary,

It's a weekend once again. A Saturday of possibilities but a bit of it had passed, as it's 1.13pm now that I've started writing. 

I am glad to be writing again, there is a freedom in it as you mull over the happenings in your life, and your thoughts and feelings and sometimes awkward opinions, and just put it down in words! Typing it one by one. I would love to write it by pen and have a lovely faded leather diary like how they do in the past, but the digital age had made it much faster and easier to type it down. At least I don't get pressure marks on my fingers. But there's always the danger of having your 'message' to yourself travel to public eyes and get into trouble. I hope no one really reads this at all! Seriously.

Anyway, I spent the morning ironing his (my husband's) and my clothes. Ironing things properly isn't easy, and I counted taking 15 mins just on one piece of work shirt! With 5 shirts a week, that would amount to.....at least an hour a week! Plus pants and my own clothes, I really hope it takes less than 1.5hrs a week to do these. Being independent ain't easy! Ideally, I would like to iron my clothes right before or the day before I wear them.

On ironing, it made me learn something. I was thinking about career choices and development recently and had considered the possibility of doing something related to art, craft & design. That'll be so cool if at this age, people just go back to the old ways of quality & honest craftsmanship, fine art, and a warm approach to design. Not that the current age is cold, but the modernity and futuristic, forward looking designs are nice & appreciated, but they start to look the same after a while. I suppose every art/design movement at every age (by age I mean 'generation' of this field) has a distinctiveness that unites them into a movement. Like impressionism and how the spurn offs of impressionist art follows a basic principle of blurry subjects on paper that harmonizes in colors & composition. A look and you can tell the general 'movement' it belongs to, or the inspiration behind the art.

So there I was thinking of possibly attending an art or design school. Or how else am I going to be able to do something in say, interior design or product design? 

Along the same thread, I did think of attaining skills & experiences in coaching, therapy & counseling related fields. After all, these careers had always intrigued me and are proven by other people tested to be my 'type' to be fulfilling career. And it would also require some re-education and directional shift in my career.

What should I do? Mmmmmmmm.

:( Don't know yet. But for now, I should start to learn driving and find an enjoyable exercise.

xoxo, 
principessa

Vision

I think having a vision is really important. Looking back, that was how I started in this career path. I envisioned it and hoped for it, and perhaps subconsciously that is how i steered my choices towards it? And in all things, I thank God.

The Q-think chapter on "Infinite Possibility" is captivating, the thought so alluring and yet it has so much truth in it. Imagine that every moment in your life & that decision you make at each point, will lead you to a different path! If I gave up after a long email that I typed was not sent out, I might never have developed a closer relationship with someone. If you close your mind off and refused to try anything new, you might never discover that perhaps you can be very good at something.

If each thought, each decision leads us to life-changing pathways, we should, as the book says, be aware about it and live our lives with the 'right' intent. 

In 2 weeks time, I'll be a bride. Can you imagine that? 2 years of waiting, 2 decades of dreaming, and the 2 weeks will come like 2 days and soon I'll be at the altar, exchanging vows in front of God & Man. The honeymoon will come and pass, and it'll be the end of year 2012 soon after. That aside, my priority is to fulfill my 'mission', my 'calling' on earth and to serve God and my community with the gifts given to me. Oh Lord, I want to be a good steward and not hide my talents in the ground! Gaining no interest, no growth, no gain and be punished. I want to serve you more, grow my strengths and love people, bring them to share a blessed life in Christ!

#1
People need the Lord. They may not know it, they may feel it, but they don't know where to find it. One of a career vision I have is to be working for God and encouraging people to deepen their relationship with fellow brothers/sisters in Christ, and most importantly to seek God and obey Him. But am I willing to go through seminary, do I have the faith & perseverance, the courage and gift to speak in public so often, and practically... accept the package? Well, I know that God will provide if I do commit myself to this.

#2
Another vision of my future would be to be the owner of a eco & social business. Stewardship of God's gifts and creation, I want to make environmentally friendly choices and not compromise the earth that God had given, or rob children of a beautiful planet. I want to encourage people practically to choose earth-friendly and community-friendly products... be it the clothes they are wearing, to the type of furnishings or electric consumption, food and everyday services. "Alteration Initiative" is an inspiration. How do you make business work, have some profits, provide a good customer experience & w-o-m advocacy of simple, lifestyle solutions that brings us to a better place?

We want quality, lasting pieces that brings a smile to our faces. Not the throw-away culture. Not the trends that changes like shifting sands in the desert! The challenge would be perhaps to get the skill set required for setting up and managing businesses, or finding a partner, and just...really getting a step in the right direction. Do I know? I have to think more into it. Am I excited? I'll love to do this. Can I do it? Yes, I know I can. I just need some help  & direction & opportunity. And someone who believes in me.

#3
The evergreen vision would be to return to my 'roots' growing up in a family of teachers. Nurturing children and young people to enjoy knowledge, enjoy growing and understanding the world, and developing them to be the leaders of tomorrow is fulfilling. The package isn't too bad but my concern is with balancing my needs to relax & tune out, with this intensive & grueling work.

#4
Growing where I am? I am happy to give it a shot and put my best efforts to it, but balance and family/friendships cannot be compromised. I can just imagine a long holiday each year with 2-3 mini breaks that allows me to tune out completely and recharge, be re-inspired. I care a lot about our business, and I am happy that we're doing well despite the smaller team now.


Sleepy now. I am glad to be able to write these out to sort out my thoughts. Good night.

xoxo,
principessa