Contradictions

For lack of a better title. It's lunch time now and I am thankful to be able to enjoy a leisurely drink at this moment although its an emotional mind wreck within. It's always hard to be on something and yet have to convince someone on another. I think the someone is myself.

Dear God you must have something planned. The will that was strong, I was convinced and yet now it backfires. I just want to do what I could do and do it to the best. I just want to contribute what I could and be contented with the work, with the blessing you have promised. Is it because oh God that I had prayed for other opportunities that now you are opening a path for me? But my head aches and I am not sure how to proceed because time is not on this side, how do I prepare and how do I convince? Peace oh God is what I need.

To go and find out for myself if its the place to be? Yet the mouths of many from the other side tells me that the working hours are more than I had imagined, the stress could be higher while rewards are lower, and it is even more stressful I suppose because of what you represent. Oh God you are merciful to me, how gracious you are for the opportunity. Can I lead a balanced and happy life? Can I concentrate on the really important things in life such as serving you, being there for my family, developing in hobbies and skills that could be used to serve you better?

My head still aches and I don't know what to do. The procedures and preparation daunts me and I hope to overcome it. Only with you God, are you with me on this?

Writing doesn't seem to help.