Need to complain, need to be thankful and need to write

Dear diary,

So many things have happened lately. No surprise, work tops the list of what goes on in my mind :( It plagues me with worries because i feel over responsible for things under my care, and i haven't been doing the best of the job as i'm quite new to it. And i do screw up. :( Sighs, i hate invoices, i hate makegoods & preempts and clients who submit things late and expect us to be fairies.

I think i internalize stress quite readily, and it makes me feel like i am perpetually stressed. even when it is passed working hours, i still worry abt it. how unhealthy, i hate it. ;( the only comfort is not much, financial returns but so what? its a h*ll lot of work n stress for that. The good news is that my work colleagues are nice but i feel bad abt asking ppl for help, afraid of frustrating them..

anyways no more work talk though the stress physically n mentally remains in me. if only they can be punched away..

on another note, i need exercise real soon! regular, intensive exercise! i feel fat just sitting in front of the office table working, and eating, snacking, and then back home to sleep before another work day comes. honestly, it drains your life away!!! if every day is lived like that. wake up -> go to work -> work -> home and sleep -> wakes up......

days and weeks zoom by. I'm already abt 2 mths old at the workplace and all i can remember is that i feel stressed by little things.

Regarding other areas of my life, there is an interesting (i won't really call it interesting) but eventful development. Suddenly, I am no longer single, no longer unbounded by responsibility to anyone...yet sometimes i still feel alone. I don't know, i have worried about this before. I find it hard to be completely honest, completely open to him. I know that a relationship is a journey in itself, of discovery, of knowing each other more through this path... we never know where it'll lead us to, whether it will be an unending journey or if the walk together will end at some point of time. But well, we never know unless we try.

But some issues still do bother me. I feel blessed and I feel happy indeed, but i know i'm not feeling 100% secure about it. And sometimes, like today, when i feel that bit of loneliness and he can't be with me.. yet even if he is with me, will i tell him about it? Or are we too..'new' to each other?

I have no idea. For now, i'm happy that we are worshipping the same God. And despite me not 100% reciprocrating his efforts on the outside, he does matter to me. But you know what? It's better to keep the most important part of your being under lock & key until some level of trust grows with time.

for now I earnestly pray that God, please relieve me from the burdens i over-exert on myself. work should end when working hours end, when you pack up and leave. and only restart when work starts. i need to rest. i want to rest. but why can't i?

please help me Lord. i feel terribly miserable about this.

lastly, a song here for all.

xoxo,
principessa